Essay Revisions and Transitions

When you revise a persuasive essay, you must evaluate your work for rhetorical effectiveness. In other words, you need to make sure it is convincing. The cornerstones of rhetorically effective writing are reason, trust, and emotions.

Every good argument is grounded in logic and reasoning. When you offer opinions, you should present facts and logic to back them up. For example, if you are arguing that young children should not be required to do hours of homework every night, you could cite a study showing that kids under twelve did not learn more when they spent additional time doing homework outside of class.

Good arguments must also inspire trust. One of the primary ways to do this is to use credible sources and identify them clearly. The evidence above would generally be considered trustworthy if the study was conducted by a Harvard professor with a doctorate in education. It is a good idea to share information like this in an essay. It is not a good idea to use evidence if it comes from a source that is not credible.

It is also appropriate to engage the emotions in persuasive writing. In an essay opposing homework, you could call on readers’ nostalgia and sense of fun by briefly describing the enjoyable activities kids could do instead of homework. But be careful. Good writing never uses personal attacks or scare tactics. In other words, it would be inappropriate to call people who believe in homework “fun killers” or to make an exaggerated suggestion that kids forced to do too much homework will suffer deep psychological damage.

Using Evidence

There are several rules of thumb for using evidence to back up your ideas.

• It must genuinely back up your thesis. Imagine you are arguing that kids under 12 should not do homework at all, and you find a study that says elementary school kids who did three hours of homework per night did not learn any more than kids who did only one hour. The study supports limited homework; it does not clearly support your thesis.
• If evidence comes from an outside source, it must be introduced and cited correctly. In general, you should name and share the credentials of your source the first time you introduce it. Afterward, you may refer to the same source by last name only.
• You need to explain how the evidence fits the argument. Readers may not understand what you are thinking about the evidence you present unless you spell it out for them.
• You need the right amount of evidence—not too much, not too little. Back up every opinion. One to three pieces of evidence per point should suffice. Do not continue piling on additional evidence to support a point you have already defended.

Word Choice

After you have revised for major issues like content, organization, and evidence, it is time to consider your word choice. This means you should attempt to use the right word at the right time. Below are several thoughts to consider as you hone your word choice.

Simplicity

The first goal of writing is to be understood. Many students try to use the biggest words they can, but it is usually a better style choice to choose an ordinary word. Do not use fancy vocabulary unless you have a good reason.

Precision

Sometimes the need for precision is a good reason for choosing a fancier word. There are times when it is best to say you hurt your knee, and there are times when it is best to say you injured your anterior cruciate ligament. Consider what your readers need to know and why. An audience of doctors might need or appreciate the medical terminology, whereas a general audience would likely be better served by the simpler language.

Tone

You can establish a clear tone by considering and manipulating the connotations of the words you use. Many words have a positive or negative connotation, whereas others are more neutral. Cheap has a negative tone, whereas economical is positive and inexpensive is neutral. If you are writing about making a purchase, choosing one or another of these words can subtly convey your attitude about what you bought.

Formality

Our language contains many levels of formality. Academic writing usually calls for slightly more formal language than daily speech. In academic writing, you should avoid slang, contractions, and abbreviations like idk or tfw that are commonly used in text messages and on the Internet. Depending on the writing task, you may also choose more formal words like purchase rather than less formal words like buy.

Inclusivity

Aim to use language that includes everyone, not language that plays into stereotypes and gender biases. Avoid referring to the entire human race as man or mankind. Use gender-neutral words like firefighter over gender-specific words like fireman. Do not assume people are male or female just because they belong to a certain profession. For example, do not automatically refer to a doctor as he or a preschool teacher as she. Note that using plurals can make it possible to write around gendered pronouns entirely. That is, if you refer to doctors or preschool teachers in the plural, you can refer back to them neutrally as they.

Transitions

At the very end of your revision process, read your work and make sure that your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next. Use connecting words and phrases, or transitions, to link ideas and help readers follow the flow of your thoughts. The number of possible ways to transition between ideas is almost limitless. Below are a few common transition words, categorized by the way they link ideas.

Different types of transitions are necessary in different parts of an essay. Within a paragraph, you should use short transitions of one or two words to show how the information in one sentence is linked to the information preceding it. But when you are starting a new paragraph or making another major shift in thought, you may take time to explain relationships more thoroughly.

Between Sentences: Clara was in a minor car accident last week. Afterward, she experienced headaches and dizziness that worsened over time.

Between Paragraphs: Because of her worsening headaches and dizziness, Clara has found it increasingly difficult to work at her computer.

Note that longer transitions are long because they have content to explain how ideas relate. Some long transitions, such as the very wordy “due to the fact that” take up space without adding more meaning than simpler words like “because.” Very long-winded transitions are considered poor style.

Let’s Review!

• When you revise an essay, consider content, organization, and coherence first.
• Rhetorically effective writing appeals to the reader’s reason and inspires trust and emotions appropriately.
• Use clear evidence to back up every opinion in your writing.
• Aim to use exactly the right words for the writing task at hand.
• Use appropriate transitions to create a smooth flow of ideas.

Comprehensive Review